The Good Enough Friend part 1 – A, B and C grade friends

Andrew Wake Newsletter, Parenting

A, B and C grade friends

Take 3! Sorry, getting used to mail outs and newsletters – I had posted twice and the YouTube link did not show…

Hopefully the third time is the charm.

This is the first of eight videos I have created looking at friendships and some ideas about how to think about them.  They are aimed at young adults, but are applicable to relationships in general.  I am making these videos first for various reasons, but mainly because a couple of my patients asked me to. I have used this particular idea with numerous patients and families and had positive feedback about the idea.  Once these videos on friendships are completed I will be focussing on further expanding the ideas found within the book “the good enough parent”.

From a parenting perspective, remove the word “friend” and replace with “relationship”, and the ideas in this first video are also applicable within a family setting.  Our infants and toddlers expect a “backstage” relationship with us, and as parents we have a duty to care for our children even when we don’t feel like doing it.  However as our children grow, how they interact with us can vary from:

  • backstage intimacy, to
  • wanting an A-grade connection, to
  • only wanting a connection when it is convenient to them, to
  • being barely polite, to
  • at times mistakenly seeing us as the enemy.

As the leaders in your family group, you should always insist upon a minimum level of manners and politeness.  But you cannot make your children want to have fun, or have closeness or intimacy with you.  Your job is to be available and offer yourself to your child at the various levels of relationship, accept where your child is at, and always be open to a change in closeness.  Throughout their development your child will play with needing you and rejecting you as part of their working out the evolving balance between their dependency and independency needs.

A,B,C grade friends – part 1 the good enough friend – Video Link