The fifth provision: enough boundaries. Values based rules. Chapter 9 (2/3)

Andrew Wake Newsletter, Parenting

Hi to all.

This second of three videos looks at a method of creating rules that applies to everyone.  This a challenge in many families. A number of ideas are explored, and ways around some classic resistances such as,

Child “I don’t care”

Parent “That’s ok honey, those of us who do care will choose for you, and we choose …”

Child “I don’t know”

Parent “That’s fine mate, those of us who do know will choose for you, and we choose …”

Child “This is stupid, I’m not turning up to the meeting”

Parent “Thats ok honey, only those interested in having a say around what we want as a family need to attend…but what we agree on will apply to everyone until the next meeting”

Child complains about the developed rules from the meeting they didn’t attend

Parent “I’m so sorry you feel that way.  Make sure you come to the next meeting and you can have your say”

The purpose of costs for breaking boundaries is NOT to punish, but to work as a deterrence for the NEXT time. Any helpful cost will work to help the child take more responsibility and develop self-control.

As an example, handcuffs is a very effective cost for hitting, but not helpful for developing self-control.

The video can be found here.