Why should I? Stage 3: to hear “good boy/girl”

Andrew Wake Newsletter, Parenting

Stage 3: social conformity orientation. Primary school onwards In primary school the child is increasingly exposed to and aware of the various groups they belong to. The motivation for moral behaviour now moves beyond personal self-interest, and involves relationships with others and what others think of them…the wish to be regarded by the group or people in the group as a …

Why should I? Stage 2: to get rewarded

Andrew Wake Newsletter, Parenting

Stage 2: self-interest orientation.  Pre-school age onwards In the early primary school years children learn that it is in their interests to behave, as then good things come their way. Their motivation is for their own benefit (“what’s in it for me?”), but they are aware that they need to behave in “good” ways (those that consider others interests and needs) to …

Why should I? Stage 1: to avoid punishment

Andrew Wake Newsletter, Parenting

Stage 1: punishment orientation. Toddler age onwards. In the pre-school years, children do not have their own personal code of morality.  “The right thing” is what adults want you to do, and “the wrong thing” is what you are punished for.   So a good action at this stage of morality is one that avoids punishment.  Punishment is our most basic tool …

Why should I? intro to moral development

Andrew Wake Newsletter

“Why should I?” This is such an important question.  We all want our kids to grow up so they can answer that question themselves.  To be good people because they choose to be. Morality is the sense of the right thing to do, and it is something that has to be learnt.  When our child asks why they can or …

Its all about M.E.

Andrew Wake Newsletter, Parenting

“ME!” This is often a child’s main driver when an argument is occurring.  An angry child will generally just consider “me”…what they want.  Missing will be a consideration of “you” and what you may want, and “us” and what is best for the relationship. When your child uses the word “me” (or a similar word like “mine”, “I”, etc), let …

Unavoidable grief

Andrew Wake Newsletter, Parenting

Since my last post my mother lost her ten year battle with Alzheimers Disease.  I’d like to take this opportunity to thank everyone for their love and kind thoughts over the past month.  We truly have only one way to get through the grief of losing someone we love…together. I thought I would repost a video I made about the …

New book distributor

Andrew Wake Newsletter, Parenting

Hi to all, Recently I have had to change my book distributor.  I am now using Woodslane from Sydney, and am looking forward to this new partnership.  For those who order books, you can find their website here. I have been updating my website and made some other minor changes as well.  For those interested in checking out what is …

When your child lies to you.

Andrew Wake Newsletter, Parenting

This is one of the more difficult problems that parents are faced with as their child is growing.  Around the age of three, children develop the “theory of mind”, in which they discover that not only do they have their own mind, but so too do other people.  They gradually realise that they can know things that you do not, …

Talking about unspeakable things

Andrew Wake Newsletter, Parenting

I’ve been invited to present a workshop in Malaysia about how to help parents talk to their children about unspeakable things, and it got me thinking about what things are hard to talk about, and why that may be. It is a common experience when talking with someone about what is bothering them, for there to be a time of …