Newsletter

“The event doesn’t matter…it’s what happens next that matters”. If parenting is the gradual disappointment of children, then ruptures are unavoidable.  In fact they are a good thing.  As it is through 1000’s of ruptures and repairs that a child discovers that there is no fear of disappointment, a key part of learning how to hate well… “You annoy me, …

This third tip requires you to watch a 60 second YouTube video here.  Parent often want to talk with me about boundaries and consequences.  There are numerous possibilities, but the best one to use comes at the end of this video. Chapter 9 of my book gives some ideas about helpful consequences too.  Although I use the term “punishment” above, …

Have you ever tried to calmly address an issue with your child? And suddenly find yourself in a heated argument about something that has nothing to do with what you were initially trying to achieve. Going off on a tangent or changing the topic is a great strategy to get you unsettled, not follow through, and drags you into saying …

Happy New Year! Thank you to everyone for their kind words of both support and constructive criticism of the newsletters and videos I have created over the past year or so. I’ve had a few people ask if I could give some practical tips that work.  I’ve also had feedback that people particularly like it when I use a story …

Judgment. Have you had the experience of thinking a particular thing for a long time, and then your child challenges it and you realise you were wrong? A couple of weeks ago I was talking with my teenage daughter and the idea of judgment came up. As we were going back and forth about the idea, I made the statement… …

Dear Parent: This is the letter that I wish I could write. This fight we are in right now. I need it. I need this fight. I can’t tell you this because I don’t have the language for it and it wouldn’t make sense anyway. But I need this fight. Badly. I need to hate you right now and I …

Focus on what you want I was working with a 16 yo recently and he had been making major gains. He was a great kid and had lots of the stuff that would typically be attractive to others. Yet he found friendships difficult and often felt on the outer. He identified in our sessions that he was too easily disappointed …

Broken record when the conversation is broken. I have written previously about the importance of conversing as a way of understanding and being understood; it is a pre-requisite to repairing ruptures between people. As parents we often need to lead the way with, “I want to understand you”, and then offering your child, “Would you like to understand me?” These …

“W.A.I.T.ing”: In their own time I took my cautious 5 year-old son to a BMX track recently. He was keen to be there, but for the first few minutes he just stood and watched the other kids zipping around the track. I felt like calling out, “Go on mate”, but I kept my mouth shut. He then moved onto the …

Mind Your Language The words we use are powerful, and can be helpful or unhelpful when thinking about the people you love and trying to create change. Is your child lazy, or are they struggling to initiate. Are they being fun, or are they being silly. Are they assertive, or are they opinionated. In the context of this newsletter, do …